Source: www.lovematters.in/en 'Eve teasing' - we all know it and live with it. It’s nasty and discomforting. But how do we deal with it?
I’ve written before about teaching gropers a lesson – the way I like to deal with the sexual assaulters I call ‘street bastards’. Now I’ll tell you what I don’t like: my male friends standing up for me. Thanks, but I can stand up for myself.
Firstly, to all my male friends out there, you guys are amazing, lovely people and I’m proud of our friendship and truly treasure and value it. Please don’t ‘unfriend’ me after this post – in the virtual or real sense! Promise?
OK then, here we go.
I truly believe that 'eve teasing' has a lot to do with manifesting power. Normally it’s street bastards, aka SBs, (mostly men) believing that groping or passing lewd comments at their victims (mostly women) is allowed, because no matter how annoying it is, women must give in. They are, after all, an inferior, less mortal being.
Simply put, SBs can do what they want to women because the women really aren’t warranted a voice. SBs have a strong sense of superiority – a self-image of being more powerful than the woman they victimise. So logically, what women need to do is challenge this self-image. Threaten it and then destroy it.
Groping rule book Now, what happens when I am walking with my male friend, an SB gropes me, and my male friend stands up for me? The power equation still remains intact. To the SB, I am the victim, not my friend. With me remaining meek and letting my male friend fight for me, I don’t challenge the power equations in the SB’s tiny brain.
The roles played by each of us still abide by the SBs golden groping rule book. He probably says to himself, ‘The girl I groped is still powerless. Shame she wasn’t alone. Better luck next time.’
Bottom line: SB still thinks he is more powerful than me. He could have got me if I was by myself. I needed another man to help me out. Well, that’s my argument.
A friend of mine said, ‘What if you are alone in a desert and a man tries raping you, and you have only another male friend around you? Would you still not want him to stand up for you?’
Gracious But he was missing the point. The fact that I don’t want my male friends to fight for my freedom definitely doesn’t mean that I would be unreasonable and get myself into troubled situations and vow to battle out of them singlehandedly.
It doesn’t mean that I would never, ever in my life seek help from men. It only means that I want you to be so gracious as to hand me a chance to help myself out first.